Monday, December 23, 2013

Ode to Plebians and Peons

Once a year every year for the past three years I have been gifted a wonderful early Christmas gift. This is indirectly and graciously given to me by all the peasants on their holiday journeys to visit friends and family. I too am about to be on such a journey. I take plenty of trips every year, and never ever get seat upgrades. The reason is that I am just about the very bottom of the bottom of the barrel of fliers with airline status. Each year I attain just a few miles over the minimum for status and thus am among the dregs who are qualified for upgrades (but never actually get them).

But this time of year when the airport gates are packed to the brim and people are packed like sardines into the ballistic aluminum cylinders, the ratio of important people to the rabble decreases. And it decreases sufficiently for an important person like myself to achieve that much vaunted upgrade to first class.

But at this point I have to say, I really don't think first class is all that. It's certainly not worth the money. Sure you have a little more space. Sure you get free drinks. Sure you don't have to wait for the bathroom. But big deal. Of course this is coming from someone who's 5'7" and 140lbs soaking wet. I fit quite nicely into the tiny airline living spaces provided in coach. Of course it's nice to get to hobnob with the elites of society once a year and pretend that I am actually someone; when it's free.

And here I come huge aluminum cylinder filled with recycled air. Be good to me.

1 comment:

  1. Upgraded to first class for free IS the only way. Have a safe flight.